


Am I Enough?

by Fandoms_R_Fun



Series: Life is Trans [2]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Acceptance, Coming Out, Internal Struggle, LGBT characters, One Shot, Questioning Queerness, Supportive Character, TRANS! Victoria, Trans Character, Trans Victoria, Trans-Victoria, Wholesome Kate, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26967505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandoms_R_Fun/pseuds/Fandoms_R_Fun
Summary: Victoria wonders if she is really "enough" in a certain way...
Series: Life is Trans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969432
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	Am I Enough?

**Author's Note:**

> Contains Strong Themes of Self Doubt with some Anxiety.

_Am I Trans enough?_

I sit at my desk, looking at my reflection in the reflection in my phone screen. The black, empty screen showing me my face again.

_I don't like what I see, but is that enough?_

I go to put my phone away when it rings, making me frown and pick it up. "Hey Kate."

_I don't like what I hear, but is that enough?_

"Hey Vic, can we get together?" My heart skips a beat and my mouth hangs open for a moment, words stuck in my throat. "I wanted to go over some of your notes for Professor Smith's class, I didn't really understand that little tangent he went on about the liver."

I feel a sting in my chest, closing my eyes. "Yeah, sure thing..." I feel a tear roll down my cheek, my throat feeling tight.

"Hey Victor, are you okay?"

_I don't like what I'm called, but is that enough?_

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, yanno?"

Kate giggles and I can hear her closing and locking a door. "Yeah, I feel that. I'll be over soon so I could grab you a coffee if you wanted one." There's an expectant tone in her voice, like she's waiting for me to give her a request.

"No thanks, I don't think caffeine would help."

"Okay, well, I'll see you soon." With that, Kate hangs up the phone and I put it down, feeling my chest pulling in on itself. I push my elbows into the desk and put my head in my hands, my fingers slowly sliding through my hair and pulling on it while I feel the tears build up and slowly push out from behind my eyelids.

_I don't like who I am, but is that enough?_

I stand up, walking to my bedroom and reaching down, slowly pulling off my camisole and dropping it onto the bed. I kick off my bunny slippers and pull down my skirt, throwing it on the bed too. I pull out the bottom drawer of my dresser and slowly fold my clothes, carefully putting them inside.

_I feel better with these clothes, but is that enough...?_

I look down and sigh, taking off my pocket bra and wrapping it in a towel as I set it into the drawer with my clothes. After I close the door, I look over at the full length mirror, pulling the sheet off of it and see what's staring back at me. I see the masculine figure, wearing panties and a waist cincher standing there, their eyes watery and their lips in a frown.

_I hate that body... but is that enough...?_

I look away and get dressed, putting on some sweatpants and a neutral, baggy tee-shirt. "Even if I wasn't ashamed of my body, I don't think anyone would wanna see my gut..." I move my lips, almost no air leaving my mouth as I talk to myself.

I start walking out of the room, glancing over again at the now uncovered mirror and gritting my teeth, closing my eyes. The face from the mirror stares back at me, burned into my retinas. I feel my stomach churn slightly, my breath being shaky. I go back to my desk and sit down, left with nothing but my thoughts.

_Your dysphoria isn't strong enough. You know, they're people out there who are ready to kill themselves over what body they have. Your pathetic little discomfort is NOTHING!_

I shake my head, taking a deep breath.

_You're not trans. You don't hate yourself enough._

I let my head hang, my teeth grinding together. My heart beats harder and it feels like its wrapped in thorns.

_Its just some fetish, you sick fucker. You get happier when you wear a dress, you're just some cross-dresser that's going too far._

I drop my head onto my desk, sobbing as I inhale.

_You're not Trans enough._

The tears begin to flow and my breathing gets more erratic, my head slowly throbbing.

_You'll NEVER BE TRANS ENOUGH!_

I hear a loud knocking on the door. "Hey Victor! Let me in, okay?"

I stand up and walk over to the door, stifling another sob. I slowly open the door, looking away and holding my arm out. I wait until she walks inside and then I close the door, refusing to look over at her.

_I don't deserve her worry..._

Kate reaches over and gently takes my hand "Victor-"

I pull my hand away and shake my head. "Don't..."

"Victor-!"

"Don't call me that!" I look over at her, feeling a sharp crushing in my chest as I hear that name again. "Stop calling me that name, its not mine and it never had been." I try to keep from crying, but the wobble in my voice is blatantly obvious. "I've never been 'Victor' and I never will be." I take a few deep breaths, feeling the tears stream down my cheeks freely. "But I'll never be who I want to be."

Kate looks startled, a little nervous as well. She takes a slow step towards me, her hands down at her sides. "W-who do you want to be?"

"Victoria..."

_That name's too good for you, freak..._

I look down, feeling the toll of my own thoughts weighing heavy on me.

"That's... a very pretty name..." I look up, seeing Kate standing there before me. "How did you choose it?" She takes another step closer and we're now a couple feet apart.

"I knew that it was the female version of my legal name. I just, I thought about being called that and it made me feel... better?" I wipe at my eyes and scratch the back of my head. "It made me feel more comfortable. I liked how I felt inside calling myself that..."

"Well..." Kate slowly holds her arms open. "Do you need a hug...Victoria?" I smile, a few more tears coming out as I nod. I feel Kate's arms around me quickly, pulling me into a tight, comforting embrace. "I support you, Victoria. I'm not sure how much that means to you, but I mean it."

I hold onto her, feeling safer in her arms. "It means more than you know..."We stand there for a minute, the world around me slowly fading out as I calm down, feeling my body return to normal.

As I pull away from the embrace, I wish I could return to it, but I know that would be awkward. "So, do you want to talk about it?"

"Well, not at the moment. It's a little overwhelming sometimes and I'm not really in the best place." I sigh, looking over at my desk. "How about we go over the lecture notes and then we can talk about something."

"Sure. Whatever works for you."

"Thank you." I smile at her, getting a supportive smile back.

_You're a good friend Kate. I'm glad you're here..._

I reach over and grab my notebook, sitting down at the table and opening up to the right page.


End file.
